Why I recommend the book "The Courage to Be Disliked" A Transformative Exploration of Adlerian Psychology.

January 4,2024

By Ekaale Ekuam
Why The Courage to Be Disliked? by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga is a thought provoking philosophical self-help book that challenges conventional ideas about happiness, relationships, and self-worth. Presented as a dialogue between a philosopher and a skeptical young man, the book delves into the profound principles of Adlerian psychology. By dismantling societal norms and emphasizing personal responsibility, it offers readers a blueprint for authentic living.
Contrary to the belief that external circumstances determine happiness, Adlerian psychology asserts that unhappiness is self-created. The philosopher argues that life is inherently neutral, and individuals assign meaning to events. By choosing a mindset of positivity and self-acceptance, one can cultivate a fulfilling life.
The book’s title encapsulates a core message: true freedom lies in the courage to live authentically, even if it means being disliked. Many people sacrifice their individuality to gain societal approval, but Adlerian principles encourage embracing disapproval as a byproduct of self-honesty.
The young man in the dialogue believes that past traumas dictate present behavior. The philosopher introduces Adler’s concept of teleology, which posits that people are driven by goals rather than past events. Trauma, he explains, is often used as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for one’s actions and future.
A cornerstone of Adlerian psychology is the “separation of tasks,” which teaches individuals to focus solely on their own responsibilities and not interfere in others' lives. For example, seeking validation is taking on another’s task instead of staying true to one’s own values. This concept fosters independence and reduces unnecessary conflict.
True happiness emerges from contributing to society and cultivating a sense of interconnectedness. By shifting focus from competition and individual success to cooperation and collective well-being, people can reduce feelings of inferiority and create meaningful connections.
The philosopher critiques the human tendency to seek validation from others. Living to meet external expectations leads to a loss of freedom. Instead, individuals should focus on aligning their actions with their own values and goals, creating a life of purpose and authenticity.
Adlerian psychology emphasizes living fully in the present. Dwelling on the past or worrying about the future distracts from purposeful action. By focusing on what can be controlled, individuals can make meaningful progress in their lives.
Inferiority, often perceived as negative, can be a powerful motivator for growth. However, when it leads to self-pity or unhealthy comparisons, it becomes detrimental. The book encourages using feelings of inadequacy as a springboard for self-improvement rather than a barrier to success.
Adlerian psychology promotes self-acceptance and self-respect. Individuals should embrace their imperfections and resist the urge to meet impossible ideals. Self-respect stems from living in alignment with one’s values rather than chasing societal approval.
The book’s Socratic dialogue format, where the philosopher and the young man engage in spirited discussions, makes complex philosophical ideas accessible. Readers are invited to reflect on their own beliefs and confront their resistance to change, mirroring the young man’s journey from skepticism to understanding.
Beyond theory, The Courage to Be Disliked provides actionable advice for readers to implement in their daily lives:
Recognize and separate your tasks from others. Stop blaming the past for present unhappiness.Take full responsibility for your choices and goals. Contribute meaningfully to society by fostering a sense of community. Develop the courage to be disliked as a path to authenticity and freedom.
In today’s world, dominated by social media and constant comparison, the book’s teachings resonate deeply. It challenges readers to rethink their pursuit of validation, urging them to embrace imperfection and live authentically. The emphasis on community and interconnectedness offers a counter-narrative to the individualism and competition that often define modern life.
The Courage to Be Disliked is a compelling guide to living authentically and embracing the freedom that comes with self-responsibility. By integrating Adlerian principles, the book offers a fresh perspective on happiness, relationships, and success. It encourages readers to rethink their beliefs, confront their fears, and take charge of their lives, making it a transformative read for anyone seeking true fulfillment.
The Author is a Freelance Writer, Entrepreneurship and Innovation Management Consultant.